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Don't Let Me Offend You

By Tiggy Johnson

I find it difficult to talk about some of my parenting decisions, particularly my stance regarding my children’s sugar intake. As a self-confessed sugar-Nazi, this is absurd because I know I’m doing a good thing, even though it isn’t always easy. Even so, it remains the one thing I feel most criticised for. Not that I’m strict on only how much sugar they eat.
    The other day my mother asked why I wasn’t buttering the bread for my eighteen month old before spreading it with a thin layer of homemade jam.
    It wasn’t an inquisitive or helpful Would you like the butter? but something accusatory as if I was depriving him of something vital, like oxygen.
    It went something like this.
    ‘Don’t you want butter?’
    ‘Why would I?’ I’ve never offered any of my three children butter.
    Mum shrugged, so I continued. ‘How many adults do you know who find it difficult to cut down on unhealthy foods they’ve been eating forever?’
    I knew immediately from her expression that she wouldn’t respond so, almost before it began, the conversation was over and I know why. Obviously, I could only have been referring to her, a grandmother who’d developed type 2 diabetes in her early-fifties and still, ten years later, sneaks in the odd naughty snack when no-one’s watching.
    In fact, she tries to sneak my kids a smorgasbord of sweet treats whether I’m watching or not, with one of two typical responses: That’s what grandparents are supposed to do or It won’t hurt.
    But it isn’t about whether the treat itself hurts. What will the kids think when they’re old enough to understand what diabetes means? Or wonder what Nana was thinking when she pushed McDonalds in front of them as she ate the sandwich she’d made for herself.
    I’ve tried to bring it up a few times, either with just Mum or among family and close friends. Nobody’s on my side. Sure, one of my sisters-in-law was horrified she once gave them lollies in the car; after dinner and their baths, teeth brushed, in pyjamas ready to fall asleep on the way. Generally though, they think I’m being uptight for not wanting the kids to have, say, the fifth or sixth treat within an afternoon or for insisting they have regular sugar-free days.
    Initially it bugged me that Mum overruled me and fed my kids junk regardless of what I said, but by the time my eldest (now seven) was five, the issue was that my family failed to support me and that they were undermining my authority.
    A few years ago, as a children’s party was winding down and most of the guests had gone, I brought it up again, hoping to enlist the understanding of my oldest friend.
    Instead, she suggested that if we were guests in her home, her family would offer them lollies.
    ‘I’d say no,’ I said.
    ‘It’s our custom,’ she replied. ‘Just one lolly.’
    ‘One lolly is one lolly. One lolly at your house today; chocolates, lollies, biscuits and sweet drinks at Nana’s tomorrow; a birthday party the next; and when they get to school, it might be the teachers with a reward or a classmate bringing chocolates to share for their birthday; they want to play at a friend’s house after school…’
    ‘Yeah,’ she said, nodding. ‘I see what you mean, but it’s our custom. A long-held tradition and if they don’t take it, we’re offended.’
    ‘Oh,’ I said, and later wish I’d added, ‘But it’s okay to offend me?’



Tiggy Johnson is a Melbourne writer and mother of three. Her short story collection Svetlana or Otherwise (Ginninderra Press) was released in 2008 and her poetry collection First taste in 2010. She is the editor of page seventeen and blogs at www.tiggyjohnson.blogspot.com

Influential Books of Our Childhood (and a great giveaway)

Are there books in your childhood that have influenced you? I’m not necessarily talking of your favorite books, but those that had an impact on you.
As my favorite books come to mind I am writing them down to get them out of my head – so I can ponder some of the influential ones. Oh, here they come (everyone likes writing a list of these!):

Fav books:
Richard Scarry Best Storybook Ever
Richard Scarry Best Storybook Dictionary
Anything by Enid Blyton
Grimms Fairy Tales
Mulga Bill’s Bicycle
Ant and Bee
Ping
Little Black Sambo
I Can Lick Thirty Tigers Today (and other stories)and many other Dr Suess

Influential Books
The Bible
How We are Made
What’s Happening to Me
Grimm’s Fairy Tales
Horton Hatches the Egg
Aesop’s Fables
Jaws

I ponder the list I’ve written. How moralistic are the stories in the books that have influenced me! Why had these books/stories within, have such an influence? Why am I feeling a little nauseous as I think of them? I remember What’s Happening to Me filled me with dread – I didn’t want pointy boobs like that! And I certainly didn’t want to see my brother standing on the diving board at the pool, with an erection. I gave Jaws to my Dad for Christmas one year, only to steal it back and read it myself. I now have a morbid fear of deep water shadows. Karma.

Anyway I shall leave this with you – have a think about the books that have influenced you. Write a comment about them. Barefoot will give away a copy of the gorgeous book and cd set Mr Bandicoot and Other Tales to our favourite comment on this blog post. It’s a collection of unique Australian nursery rhymes by Anne Lawson (sung by Kate Rowe). We’ll contact one of you lovely readers (yes you have to comment to be in it!) and send it out.

Read Anna’s review below

Mr Bandicoot & Other Tales is a lovely collection of rhymes that has simple, but engaging pictures matched with a CD of accompanying songs. My 4 year old daughter has loved listening and reading/watching along, commenting on the pictures as she does so! I especially love that this collection of rhymes originates from a mumma who made them up for her children, and that her children loved them and remembered them years later – encouraging her to publish them for other children to enjoy. I think this book/CD collection is a great antidote to the populist children CDs that are on the market at the moment. Available from leading book stores or at the website http://www.mrbandicoot.com/.

So come on readers, tell us about the most influential books you recall from your childhood. Anna and Jenny will argue over decide the best comments and winner will be chosen next Monday (October 11).
Cheers

Jenny and Anna